Kicking Walls Down !

 #GrowingUp i was not really girly but not really boyish. i was so-so. me & my sister, we wear matchy outfits all the time as kids & the concept was ; 
 "its always the same but not really the same. i never put you really2 the same. " -  ibu 

 
 
 
 but at one point, when we started to have our own style, hers wasn't portraying much of me(lol) nama lagi hers dih pfft. 


haha so yea we kept matching the colours of our clothes according to our own style but mine were vvery simple. my clothes were rather very sporty, stuffs from the boys section or most of the time blue. makes some wonder wether im a tomboy bcs compared to hani, i was very boyish back then.

 ibu wanted to make sure i looked like her baby girl who she plays dress up (and still dresses me up every now and then) so she sometimes keeps on buying pink/purple stuffs for me- lagi2 sport gears, if you've seen me at the swimming pool you'd know that my whole bag itself & the stuffs inside are pink.

 tp like she never complained abt me not liking girly stuffs. but this one time, ibu asked "bila adik nk start jangok? its fun!" so i said "my jangok is not how you like. its different from hani" but shes like "okay show me"  

ootds ; 
 i had always understood how she's also devastated that when i dress well, the ootd or nice pictures i take tak sampai kat instagram. but what she doesn't know, its on my second acc. why? cause i'm too insecure to post a selfie. as much as i want to, i cant seem to overpower the mixed feelings abt it after posting the picture. 


   as i said, i was boyish. so dressing myself well is already like putting myself into shyshycat-ville apatah lagi nak suruh org amik ootd(lol). i am an extrovert but ootds are my weakness. slalu end up gaduh ngn the cameraman or gets easily dissatisfied with the outcome. so i prefer to not? i take good ootds of others and i know what to tell them to do in midst of taking their pictures but its never like that when its my turn,,  I CANT HELP MYSELF
  :') i become blank everytime. all the thoughts like "oh their watching" "i'm gonna look so gedik if i do this" "eh u look dumb like this". deep inside me, inside this futile heart of mine, something pushed me to step up. it was time to grow up. be a lady. flaunt the nice outifts ibu gave us permission to waste money on. so for my 5 days trip to Kuala Lumpur, i decided to slowly erase the segan2 nk amik ootd feels and just style myself as confident as i can but in a halal way. its now or never to try. 

the jumpshot; 


these were pictures from day-1 and you can easily observe the awkwardness. but yea, just to tell you *twirls fingers*, these are the little achievements i do that builds me bit by bit. i am proud bcs i actually have a good picture of me taken by my fam. usually mesti give up even before dpt pose for the right picture. huih only god knows how i felt super shy trying to stay still. but yea as usual end up ngarut gak. the jumpshot was unplanned. but it ok. i like it. it could be my kind of ootd who knows 🙋🏻baby steps. takut kalau cepat2 tukar prangai nanti kang daddy sedih her little sporty baby girl dh brubah   <333
 
       

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