Perfectly flawed creations of His.

 “You love me but you don’t mind losing me”

“You don’t wanna fix you ? So you’re okay with how much pain every word gave me”

“Let’s fix you together, you’re only 23”

He became silent and I saw the vacancy through his eyes. 

The sparkles in his eyes gradually dims.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

“No” he replied as he turns to his other side; back facing me.

“Are you mad at me ? Are you sure?” 

“No” this time with less upset but more gentle in his tone. 

Obviously he was lying but I can only assume he was trying his best to convince me.

“If there’s anything you’re mad about, please tell me”

Thats when he finally spoke his thoughts. Explained his disappointment towards me in that moment. Truthfully, I expected it but

 I was not the slightest mad instead I was thankful that he was honest. As always, he is vocal about his feelings. So I explained. 

“Dear, I didn’t say any of those to hurt you or guilt trip you. It’s something real out there. As much as you have the rights to not anticipate tomorrow, I have the rights to leave when I’ve reached my limits. I am strong but I do have limits as well. I have the rights to butt in because my heart, mind and soul is inflicted in this. What you do next WILL affect me. Even parting ways with my college friends had me crying randomly in a day for months pre-event. If I had a WEEK, and its YOU I’m losing then all you’d get is me crying to the d-day”

It is scary that sometimes I wish I could pray death for my friends so they’d stop suffering. My nocturnal sober thoughts are about wishing deaths for my suicidal friends. Sometimes I’d call myself mental for actually considering it. The empathy I have is a curse yet a blessing. I figured, God led these sufferings souls to me because he knew I’d understand them. He led me to it and He would definitely get me through it. I’d probably hate myself to death if I lose any friend to suicide but if this is what I’m meant for in this world then let it be. You can only do much. If you’re still alive, it means He loves you. If your soul is no longer with your body, it also means He loves you. 

No human can love you like how He loves you. At times when you feel empty and unloved, remember how you’re alive and actually thinking about this. When you’re mad at him for putting you through bullshits in life, you’re actually talking to him. When your girlfriend puts you into a hell of a ride, you’d still find it cute. Why ? Because you know she is doing that just to get your attention. Get my message ?

You are a lost soul and the thing you need is His comfort so He is trying to get your attention and if you only would give it a chance and give in to it. You’d feel peace my sayang-sayang out there. I’m not trying to say you should be a good muslim. I’m saying that you should trust the process and be kind to yourself. God loves you so I love you too. Thats one condition I would have to love someone. Thats the most valid reason for me to forgive someone. Thats the most beautiful thing I’d find about someone. They are  the beautiful, unique creations of His. Perfectly flawed.  I love you pretty human beings. No matter how hard it gets, do know that we random strangers love you. Please keep living in this cursed world. You're strong for even reading to this line. Love you, I'm sorry we've let you down. We can only do much.