My Low-key Messy Life
Assalamualaikum & Greetings,
It's currently 0158 Midnight on 31st Jan 2017 ;
& here I am attempting to write a blog of my low-key messy life ;
_ tbh i really wanted it to be updated as bad as most of you guys reading this, but somehow, everytime i try to type, its like i'm thrown into a pitch black hole and theres not even a slight sign of light to answering the echoing cries i've rained my cheeks with.
Yes, I cried every time over confusion to the extend of just ending up staring to my creamy white ceiling and catching all the breath i missed trying to control my sobbing. After awhile, I do not dare to even check my blog. but upon a few request on updating my blog, i shall & i will try to be as positive as i used to be while writing.
0219 :
Having to live in this society, I had to double my personality. Shamelessly has numerous accounts for different versions of me. All truths, no lies. Not even a tinge of desire to lie about myself but it became something i could not even bother to stop. One of those few guilty stuffs we serve our pleasures with, y'know what i mean ?
-
Growing up, I had to always understand and adapt with my surrounding. A surrounding I consider as a blessing for teaching me so many little things in life i'd never knew about implementing in my daily life but of course, in everything, theres the famous pair, the 'pros and cons' .
-
Growing up also, I had to always give ways to others which forced me to losing a huge amount of things I cherish. I'm like my mother , i forgive things easily after consoling my heart with positive thoughts. I'm like my father, i forget bad things that happens to me easily so i wouldn't be bothered again by it. so together, when bad things happens to me, i forgive and forget. hence, eeeevery time, i'll naively love & appreciate things. I'll have good thoughts of them even though i saw them pushing knives into my back. I'll give them a reason to flee even though i know how much im lying to myself. Only those who knew what I've been through and been there whilst i'm at my weakest will know how i'll crawl into a ball on the floor and cry my heart out silently.
-
mi heart, is tissue.
i'm sensitive altho i look strong on the outside
i'm often thinking about the saddest possibilities in life even with a wide smile carved on my puffy cheeks.
no one knows excepts for The Almighty.
-
Being this way, i still won't point finger to anyone for planting this indecisive habit in me. It is my choice to embrace and it is over my own will if I were desperate to change it.
-
some of u asked, why i stopped updating my blog. therefore, heres the explanation ::
once upon a time,
I was the kid who loved poetry,whom may have the best emotions to talk about and the most things to brag about. When i'm happy i sing & write. When i'm sad, I sing & write. To some, they appreciate.
but sadly to some, they hate.
I was confident of what i was doing. thinking it was for my best plus i was able to help a few along the way with the positive things i wrote. i was always pouring out all the words stuck in my brain that were harassing my cells while i try to focus on other things everyday. but slowly, things started to go wrong. i start to get sensitive and i start to get disappointed to some apparently. people kept telling me i'm depressed when actually it was just me putting my views over the things around me into words people could understand. at first, i try to brush it off but as time passes by and the amount of not so laughable jokes taken in into me, i met my point.
& so i became from zet positive blogger to ...
"that sad writer"
^^^ everytime i re-read my posts, i get confused. cause i don't remember being sad while writing it.
maybe i was, bUT why does it sound too sad. realizin that, (thanks to this one special someone who actually got mad because i sounded to sad although he tried his best to be there for me),,,, i stopped writing.
when i managed to stop, i was happy. but solemnly i felt sad, it was like letting go of a passion.
letting go of a friend who had been there at your worst, who'd listened to your stories and dares not say a word. a friend, who didn't judge. so when things were off between me and that special someone, i tried to write again, just to try but when i tried to write again, i couldn't. i felt guilty to everyone. It was like betraying everyone who i told them i stopped writing. hence, me not being able to write like i used to. BUT HEYYYY GUESS WHOS BACKKKK???? me *puts on a derp face* yall gotta love this lonely peasent more manh. yes, i'm trying to be on again with my blogging and keep you guys updated with the good stuffs in life. so ... i hope you guys will keep supporting me & love me like how a boyfriend loves a girlfriend , a parent loves a daughter & a friend loving a friend.
WITH THT I REST MY CASE TO WHY I STOPPED WRITING. TILL NEXT TIME MWAHHAHAHA BYE :)))) NGANTUK !!!!! <<<<< start bearing my indecisiveness & stupidness. i promise to not kill you with it. <3333
It's currently 0158 Midnight on 31st Jan 2017 ;
& here I am attempting to write a blog of my low-key messy life ;
_ tbh i really wanted it to be updated as bad as most of you guys reading this, but somehow, everytime i try to type, its like i'm thrown into a pitch black hole and theres not even a slight sign of light to answering the echoing cries i've rained my cheeks with.
Yes, I cried every time over confusion to the extend of just ending up staring to my creamy white ceiling and catching all the breath i missed trying to control my sobbing. After awhile, I do not dare to even check my blog. but upon a few request on updating my blog, i shall & i will try to be as positive as i used to be while writing.
0219 :
Having to live in this society, I had to double my personality. Shamelessly has numerous accounts for different versions of me. All truths, no lies. Not even a tinge of desire to lie about myself but it became something i could not even bother to stop. One of those few guilty stuffs we serve our pleasures with, y'know what i mean ?
-
Growing up, I had to always understand and adapt with my surrounding. A surrounding I consider as a blessing for teaching me so many little things in life i'd never knew about implementing in my daily life but of course, in everything, theres the famous pair, the 'pros and cons' .
-
Growing up also, I had to always give ways to others which forced me to losing a huge amount of things I cherish. I'm like my mother , i forgive things easily after consoling my heart with positive thoughts. I'm like my father, i forget bad things that happens to me easily so i wouldn't be bothered again by it. so together, when bad things happens to me, i forgive and forget. hence, eeeevery time, i'll naively love & appreciate things. I'll have good thoughts of them even though i saw them pushing knives into my back. I'll give them a reason to flee even though i know how much im lying to myself. Only those who knew what I've been through and been there whilst i'm at my weakest will know how i'll crawl into a ball on the floor and cry my heart out silently.
-
mi heart, is tissue.
i'm sensitive altho i look strong on the outside
i'm often thinking about the saddest possibilities in life even with a wide smile carved on my puffy cheeks.
no one knows excepts for The Almighty.
-
Being this way, i still won't point finger to anyone for planting this indecisive habit in me. It is my choice to embrace and it is over my own will if I were desperate to change it.
-
some of u asked, why i stopped updating my blog. therefore, heres the explanation ::
once upon a time,
I was the kid who loved poetry,whom may have the best emotions to talk about and the most things to brag about. When i'm happy i sing & write. When i'm sad, I sing & write. To some, they appreciate.
but sadly to some, they hate.
I was confident of what i was doing. thinking it was for my best plus i was able to help a few along the way with the positive things i wrote. i was always pouring out all the words stuck in my brain that were harassing my cells while i try to focus on other things everyday. but slowly, things started to go wrong. i start to get sensitive and i start to get disappointed to some apparently. people kept telling me i'm depressed when actually it was just me putting my views over the things around me into words people could understand. at first, i try to brush it off but as time passes by and the amount of not so laughable jokes taken in into me, i met my point.
& so i became from zet positive blogger to ...
"that sad writer"
^^^ everytime i re-read my posts, i get confused. cause i don't remember being sad while writing it.
maybe i was, bUT why does it sound too sad. realizin that, (thanks to this one special someone who actually got mad because i sounded to sad although he tried his best to be there for me),,,, i stopped writing.
when i managed to stop, i was happy. but solemnly i felt sad, it was like letting go of a passion.
letting go of a friend who had been there at your worst, who'd listened to your stories and dares not say a word. a friend, who didn't judge. so when things were off between me and that special someone, i tried to write again, just to try but when i tried to write again, i couldn't. i felt guilty to everyone. It was like betraying everyone who i told them i stopped writing. hence, me not being able to write like i used to. BUT HEYYYY GUESS WHOS BACKKKK???? me *puts on a derp face* yall gotta love this lonely peasent more manh. yes, i'm trying to be on again with my blogging and keep you guys updated with the good stuffs in life. so ... i hope you guys will keep supporting me & love me like how a boyfriend loves a girlfriend , a parent loves a daughter & a friend loving a friend.
WITH THT I REST MY CASE TO WHY I STOPPED WRITING. TILL NEXT TIME MWAHHAHAHA BYE :)))) NGANTUK !!!!! <<<<< start bearing my indecisiveness & stupidness. i promise to not kill you with it. <3333
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